Life Has A Flavor
Michael W. Rodriguez
Copyright © 1999
He stubbed his toe and almost tripped on the railroad tie just this side of Castroville Road. He recovered his balance and glanced around, his eyes narrowed in suspicion, hoping no one had seen how clumsy he'd been.
He grunted and wondered why he cared whether anyone had seen him. He scratched at his beard and glanced around again. Don't mean nothing, he muttered. I don't care; nobody cares.
I don't care, he thought again, and sniffed at the stink of his body odor. He pulled his coat tighter to him and wished he had a match to light the one cigarette he had left. He knew he was saving it for a special occasion, but he also doubted he had any special days left in his life.
He felt tired, or hungry, he wasn't sure which. No, he decided, I'm tired. Maybe I just need to sit for a while.
He eased himself down onto the gravel between the railroad tracks and the bushes that lined the rail bed, away from the road. He swung his head left and then right, struggling to remember again why he was so fascinated with railroad tracks.
And then a distant memory, as if a dim bulb, lit up inside his brain. He thought he remembered a fight when he was younger, lots of guns and little people and loud noises and people shooting at each other. He knew he hated loud noises, but he could not remember why. He knew he also hated little people, although he could not recall why that was, either.
He did know he loved the railroad tracks. They went this way and then they went that way and he had, as a young man, gone this way and that way, too, and he wondered, Why did I do that?
He shifted his weight on the gravel and reached into a pocket of his trousers. He withdrew his hand and lifted his most prized possession to his eyes. His hand held a Zippo lighter, a stainless steel lighter that he'd had forever. He'd held onto it all these years, even when he was in the hospital that time, up in Seattle. They wanted to take it away from him, he remembered, but he just set it down on a table and went back for it later. He knew that if this was all that was left of his life and it went away, then he'd go away, too.
He flipped the lid open and spun the wheel, though no spark flew and no flame jumped to life. That didn't matter to him, that it didn't work. What mattered was that he still had it, that he'd been able to hold onto it all these years.
He'd held onto it longer than he'd held onto . . . What was her name? He grunted, afraid he could no longer remember the name of his first wife. He'd been married several times, before he got sick, but he didn't care about the others; he just wanted to recall the name of the first girl he married. He glanced to his right, to the tracks coming toward him from the east, and then smiled, showing broken yellow teeth.
Thelma. That was her name. Why did that matter? He wasn't sure, but he thought it should be important to him. The marriage hadn't lasted long, but that was okay; the others hadn't lasted long, either.
He sighed and felt his breath wheeze in his chest. He was tired and hungry and he hurt in places he could not even name anymore.
He flipped the lighter's lid shut, the quick snap of it loud in his ears. He turned his head, anxious that no one should see him or his lighter. It was all he had left, it was all that was left of his life, and he closed his hand around it to hide it, but he did not put it back in his pocket.
The sun was almost down and he knew he should find a shelter or an alley or something, but he couldn't will himself to stand.
I like it here, he decided. I think I'll stay here.
He sat for a moment and then his eyes closed and his breathing became shallow. His head jerked and nodded once, then twice, and then it fell, resting heavy on his chest.
Still sitting between the bushes and the railroad tracks, his heart thudded once, thudded again, and then his breathing stilled and his hand opened. The lighter slipped from his fingers and fell to the gravel at his feet.
He was still there when the cop saw him the next morning. The young patrolman turned his vehicle onto the shoulder of the road and called in a possible vagrant. He stepped from the car and walked to the man. He knew, even as he approached, that the man was dead.
Poor old bastard, thought the young cop, and then he saw the lighter at the man's feet. He knelt and, still staring at the man, he picked up the lighter and glanced at it. He read the inscription, glanced at the still-sitting body of the man, and read the inscription again.
"For Those Who Fight For It, Life Has A Flavor The Protected Never Know."